Does Chocolate make you run faster?

The answer is no, it makes you poop. I was in need of a chocolate fix yesterday afternoon, a mix of down in the dumps and just that sweet tooth craving. I found a bag of dark chocolate M&Ms I had bought for Chipper Nettie, aka Annette, to take to Nashville when she runs the Marathon, I guess I saved her some calories. Those M&Ms where sure yummy about 2:30 yesterday afternoon, the problem with them is you can’t stop eating them. After a couple of HANDFULS I was about to vomit, knowing I had the running clinic a little later.

I met Kim at 5:30 for our usual run over to the clinic, I could still feel those little dark goodies in the pit of my stomach. Still could use a good purging. We started out pretty slow as usual, seems it takes me longer and longer to warm up these days. My leg is still bothersome and the ibuprofen has no affect at all. I could feel my tummy saying we need to get rid of all this chocolate and it’s not coming up so its going down. Uh oh.

We made it to the school with a few minutes to spare, checked the doors and of course today locked. Oh well, I think I’ll be okay, I’m not in desperate need, yet. Tonight was speed work, oh boy, not my favorite, I’m not speedy and I hate being last and I was last on every dang one! We did 2 warm up laps, 2-200’s, 2-400’s, 2-200’s and 1 cool down. I was on pace for all my splits or whatever you call them. My 200’s where about 54 seconds or less and my 400’s where all at 2 minutes. So I was happy even though I was last.

It was very windy and chilly so when we were finished Kim and I headed back to Lakewood, we only got about half a mile when my stomach decided it was time to go to the bathroom and of course we are in residential bliss. I would try and run because I needed to get to the bathroom, but couldn’t run because it made me need to go even more. Damn chocolate. The more we walked the worse it got. Right before we turned on the street that goes in front of the Old Mill I told Kim to go ahead and run, we were about 3/4 of a mile away, she said she would go get the car and come get me. I was miserable by this point, but kept walking.

I kept walking and I was getting colder, the pressure in my stomach was horrible. I knew there was a port-a-potty at the Old Mill, I didn’t think Kim would make it back to the cars and to me before I could reach the port-a-potty. I was getting closer and I really didn’t know if I was going to make it, the pressure was intense! Should I sit down on the side of the road or try and hurry to the port-a-potty, I hurried. I made it and luckily no one was inside and luckily there was toliet paper too! It was just in the nick of time, I don’t think I could have gone any further, it was miserable!! So lesson learned, no more chocolate before running, it only makes you run faster to the port-a-potty.

When I came out of the port-a-potty I expected to see Kim flying around the corner in her Honda, I walked up to the top of the hill which was just 30 or 40 feet away and I could see her coming, fast. Of course, she didn’t know I had already gone to the bathroom. She swung open the passenger door and she had all her passenger seat stuff piled in her lap. I explained I had already gone, we started laughing, she was telling how she was running trying to get to her car, she said she kept looking down at her Garmin saying can’t I run any faster?, didn’t even take her IT band off, didn’t get her door closed, and was just saying to herself, I’ve got to hurry and get Cheryl, it was very nice (thanks Kim!). Something ALWAYS happens when we run together. It was pretty funny AFTER it was over with.

Here are my run stats, which are bizarre, for the day, tonight is another bout with speed-work, no chocolate beforehand!

3.72 Miles Avg Pace 11:20 Avg HR 139 Max 180

  1. 11:44
  2. 12:48
  3. 8:28
  4. 12:44
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2 Responses

  1. Owwww… as you already know I could relate to every painful step. I am just very happy for you that the Old Mill Port a pottie was avaliable! I know that one more step and it’s all over feeling.
    Shame on you for eating my chocolate!!! 😉

  2. That is the worst feeling in the world. I’ve had the same experience with chinese food the next morning. I now know where every toilet is on every route we run.

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